Much has been said about the way Indians speak English, specially at the work place. Here are a couple of personal experiences:
At the close of office hours, one day, all set to get back home, i asked a colleague of mine the whereabouts of my chauffer, 'hey, do you know by any chance, where is Mohammed?'. My colleague replied, 'he just passed away'.
Make what you will out of it, but all he meant was that he had just seen Mohammed strolling by.
Another episode went some thing like this....I had been in a discussion with a colleague of mine since the previous day and had requested him to think through the project overnight so that we could restart the discussion the following day. The next day i could see that he was clearly avoiding coming anywhere near where i was. Sensing his discomfort, i called him to check whether he had come prepared for the discussion. 'Did you think about our discussions last night?' I asked. 'Yes sir, i thanked about it the whole night', he replied.
I dont claim to be the master of the english language but nonetheless i found this quite hilarious. Do you have any similar anecdotes?
Friday, July 3, 2009
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Cotton Balls
While i was working with a company in Kolkata, India, at the beginning of this century, our company decided to bring in a set of consultants to advice us on how to make our company brands deliver better. Well, as it would have it, we hired a bunch of consultants. They worked with us for a few months and did what most other consultants do. First they conned us and then they insulted us. Put in a different manner, they borrowed our watch, told us the time and then charged us for the privilege.
Anyway, so thanks to the consultancy we were required to travel between Kolkata where our office was and Mumbai, where their office was. We were a total of 6 people. And we used to fly Kolkata - Mumbai about 3 times a week. So you can imagine how much of traveling that would be. You would also do well to imagine that we were a bunch of youngsters who thought it fit to really give our best to the work at hand and to really have a ball when not working.
Now flying on work was a grey area. While we were technically on work, yet during the process of flying we weren’t really working. Further, since we were flying like 3 times a week, naturally, it called for finding ever more creative ways to keep ourselves occupied. 6 youngsters, together. One can only imagine.
Flying however meant we had company and loads of it. That too, mostly, people far elder than us. Over a couple of weeks, we narrowed down our in – flight entertainment (since those days Indian flights did not have in-flight entertainment systems) options to playing Antakshari – the Indian film based verbal game where various teams have to keep singing different Indian film songs. The team or individual who continues to sing a different song till the end, wins.
Over the next couple of weeks, as soon as we would board the Jet Airways flight from Kolkata to Mumbai, we would start the game and continue till the flight landed on the tarmac at Mumbai airport. For some reason I do not quite understand, on the return flights we were always too tired to play the game. It became such a routine that even air hostesses started to recognize our gang.
In fact it was only after a few weeks that we realized that we were either genuinely getting popular on board or at least we were noticed. On a particular trip, we were not playing Antakshari since most of us were quite tired due to late night work the previous night. One air hostess, while serving snacks, when the flight was mid air, politely asked us why we were not playing Antakshari. We realized that in future we would need to sing more softly. But just out of curiosity we did manage to ask her if she appreciated our playing the game or if it irritated her or someone else. To our pleasant surprise she said that it kept the crew engaged during the otherwise routine and mundane flights. We were of course pleased no end.
On another such trip, one of our colleagues, let us say, KG, decided that he had had enough of Antakshari and did not want to participate in the game. He was tired from the previous evening’s work load as well. So in all his wisdom and innocence, he decided to take a nap while the rest of us continued with our singing game. To be able to sleep peacefully, he signaled the crew hoping in his mind to get some cotton for the ears. As luck would have it a steward came across.
To our horror and the steward’s surprise, our friend KG, in all his innocence asked, ‘hey I just wanted to know if you had cotton balls?’. The steward was of course taken aback. With a surprised look he responded, ‘Excuse me?’ KG, still in all his innocence, repeated, ‘do you have cotton balls?’ We couldn’t ofcourse control our laughter after that. The steward, to his and his training’s credit, understood what was being asked and responded, ‘yes sir, we do have cotton ear plugs for your ears. Would you like some?’
Now of course it was the turn of our dear KG to turn red and purple while the steward went off smiling, only to come back with a pair of cotton ear plugs!
Anyway, so thanks to the consultancy we were required to travel between Kolkata where our office was and Mumbai, where their office was. We were a total of 6 people. And we used to fly Kolkata - Mumbai about 3 times a week. So you can imagine how much of traveling that would be. You would also do well to imagine that we were a bunch of youngsters who thought it fit to really give our best to the work at hand and to really have a ball when not working.
Now flying on work was a grey area. While we were technically on work, yet during the process of flying we weren’t really working. Further, since we were flying like 3 times a week, naturally, it called for finding ever more creative ways to keep ourselves occupied. 6 youngsters, together. One can only imagine.
Flying however meant we had company and loads of it. That too, mostly, people far elder than us. Over a couple of weeks, we narrowed down our in – flight entertainment (since those days Indian flights did not have in-flight entertainment systems) options to playing Antakshari – the Indian film based verbal game where various teams have to keep singing different Indian film songs. The team or individual who continues to sing a different song till the end, wins.
Over the next couple of weeks, as soon as we would board the Jet Airways flight from Kolkata to Mumbai, we would start the game and continue till the flight landed on the tarmac at Mumbai airport. For some reason I do not quite understand, on the return flights we were always too tired to play the game. It became such a routine that even air hostesses started to recognize our gang.
In fact it was only after a few weeks that we realized that we were either genuinely getting popular on board or at least we were noticed. On a particular trip, we were not playing Antakshari since most of us were quite tired due to late night work the previous night. One air hostess, while serving snacks, when the flight was mid air, politely asked us why we were not playing Antakshari. We realized that in future we would need to sing more softly. But just out of curiosity we did manage to ask her if she appreciated our playing the game or if it irritated her or someone else. To our pleasant surprise she said that it kept the crew engaged during the otherwise routine and mundane flights. We were of course pleased no end.
On another such trip, one of our colleagues, let us say, KG, decided that he had had enough of Antakshari and did not want to participate in the game. He was tired from the previous evening’s work load as well. So in all his wisdom and innocence, he decided to take a nap while the rest of us continued with our singing game. To be able to sleep peacefully, he signaled the crew hoping in his mind to get some cotton for the ears. As luck would have it a steward came across.
To our horror and the steward’s surprise, our friend KG, in all his innocence asked, ‘hey I just wanted to know if you had cotton balls?’. The steward was of course taken aback. With a surprised look he responded, ‘Excuse me?’ KG, still in all his innocence, repeated, ‘do you have cotton balls?’ We couldn’t ofcourse control our laughter after that. The steward, to his and his training’s credit, understood what was being asked and responded, ‘yes sir, we do have cotton ear plugs for your ears. Would you like some?’
Now of course it was the turn of our dear KG to turn red and purple while the steward went off smiling, only to come back with a pair of cotton ear plugs!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
NAMASTE
Since it wouldnt be proper to name the company that hired me and my boss, would just go by initials!
Well so here it goes... From a media company, i moved to an FMCG company thinking of the great experience i will get working in the famed FMCG industry. The first great experience was my own boss.
He loved the idea of getting others to work and then telling his boss how difficult it was for him to get his team of people to work and not only that, how he had to ensure that the other departments worked properly as well!
And on top of that he had this great knack of picking his nose, taking stuff out of his nose, making small balls of it and then pasting it here and there, under the table, on the sides of the chair he would sit on or wherever else he fancied at that particular moment. This activity was an interesting pastime for him so any time you go to his cabin, he would usually be doing this since at other times he was busy making sure every other person worked in the company.
The icing on the cake, post picking his nose, which was just about all the time, he loved shaking hands with people. It is thanks to the Indian way of salutation, NAMASTE (folded hands and no handshake required) that i managed to get away with this for more than a year that i worked there!
God bless the ancestors who devised this noble way of salutations. I am sure they too must have experienced a king or a boss of this kind which led to this novel way of salutations since just about every where else in the world while wishing one another, we do end up touching each other someway or the other.
Once he actually picked his nose, rolled the balls and with a flick of his finger let them off in the conference room to immediately thereafter proceed to shake hands with our ad agency guys who had come over for a meeting. They of course had no choice but to shake hands as any thing else would have been quite rude but wonder how many times they would have washed their hands thereafter!
God bless every one who comes in touch with bosses like this one.
Well so here it goes... From a media company, i moved to an FMCG company thinking of the great experience i will get working in the famed FMCG industry. The first great experience was my own boss.
He loved the idea of getting others to work and then telling his boss how difficult it was for him to get his team of people to work and not only that, how he had to ensure that the other departments worked properly as well!
And on top of that he had this great knack of picking his nose, taking stuff out of his nose, making small balls of it and then pasting it here and there, under the table, on the sides of the chair he would sit on or wherever else he fancied at that particular moment. This activity was an interesting pastime for him so any time you go to his cabin, he would usually be doing this since at other times he was busy making sure every other person worked in the company.
The icing on the cake, post picking his nose, which was just about all the time, he loved shaking hands with people. It is thanks to the Indian way of salutation, NAMASTE (folded hands and no handshake required) that i managed to get away with this for more than a year that i worked there!
God bless the ancestors who devised this noble way of salutations. I am sure they too must have experienced a king or a boss of this kind which led to this novel way of salutations since just about every where else in the world while wishing one another, we do end up touching each other someway or the other.
Once he actually picked his nose, rolled the balls and with a flick of his finger let them off in the conference room to immediately thereafter proceed to shake hands with our ad agency guys who had come over for a meeting. They of course had no choice but to shake hands as any thing else would have been quite rude but wonder how many times they would have washed their hands thereafter!
God bless every one who comes in touch with bosses like this one.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Life begins, officially!
Well, well.
My first day in office! Having been shortlisted to work for a PR firm in India, i was quite excited since while passing through the MBA phase i had always wanted to get into advertising / PR and here i was working for a highly rated PR firm in India!
Here i come and the first thing i am told is to get into newspapers and magazines. I am thrilled. Imagine being paid to go through magazines and newspapers the whole day! Before 11 a.m., however, i realize that it is not about reading the stuff...its simply about noting down any and everything relating to any and every client of the firm. So the whole day spent reading, or rather, going through 24 newspapers and 11 maagzines! At the end of it, if you were to ask me, what was the news, probably i wouldnt remember a thing since the only thing i was tracking was aerated beverages, shoes, liquor, telecom, heavy machinery, television, computers, u name it!
Before, i realized, the day was over and my boss, a lady, no less, asked me to cut all those articles that mentioned anything remotely related to any of the above and many more. Once the articles were all cut, they were to be pasted on white sheets of paper, photocopied in sets of three and one copy faxed to the respective clients. I came to the office at 9a.m. and left at 9p.m. on my very first day at work! And all that i got was gummed fingers!
My first day in office! Having been shortlisted to work for a PR firm in India, i was quite excited since while passing through the MBA phase i had always wanted to get into advertising / PR and here i was working for a highly rated PR firm in India!
Here i come and the first thing i am told is to get into newspapers and magazines. I am thrilled. Imagine being paid to go through magazines and newspapers the whole day! Before 11 a.m., however, i realize that it is not about reading the stuff...its simply about noting down any and everything relating to any and every client of the firm. So the whole day spent reading, or rather, going through 24 newspapers and 11 maagzines! At the end of it, if you were to ask me, what was the news, probably i wouldnt remember a thing since the only thing i was tracking was aerated beverages, shoes, liquor, telecom, heavy machinery, television, computers, u name it!
Before, i realized, the day was over and my boss, a lady, no less, asked me to cut all those articles that mentioned anything remotely related to any of the above and many more. Once the articles were all cut, they were to be pasted on white sheets of paper, photocopied in sets of three and one copy faxed to the respective clients. I came to the office at 9a.m. and left at 9p.m. on my very first day at work! And all that i got was gummed fingers!
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